Self-love is a term that is heard more and more often in our day and age.
“You have to love yourself more …”
“Why do not you love each other?”
“If you loved / respected yourself more, it would not have happened to you.”
“You can not love anyone if you do not like yourself.”
These are just a few of the phrases that you hear more often when self-love is a problem and you try to become happier.
Even though they now sound like empty phrases, there is an essential truth in them. For self-love is enormously important for a “good life”.
Whether you love yourself or not, decides what to look for in a partner, how to represent yourself at work, and how to handle problems in your life.
It is so important for a fulfilling life that you have to learn to like / love yourself more.
What is self-love anyway? Is it something you can buy from DM or Zara? Or can you learn to love yourself by reading something inspirational? Can a new relationship help you?
The answer to all these questions is a clear no .
Although all these things feel good, they can not provide long-lasting self-love. Although they make sure that happiness hormones are released, but they have disappeared as quickly as snow in the summer.
Maybe it’ll surprise you now, but self-love has nothing to do with being happy.
For self-love is a state of self-esteem that arises from various actions that support our physical, mental, and spiritual growth.
Self-love is dynamic: it grows through actions that make us mature.
When we act in a way that promotes self-love, we begin to accept our weaknesses and strengths more readily, have less need to explain our shortcomings, and have more compassion for ourselves.
Okay, after that’s settled, here are …
The 7 lessons for more self-love
1. Be Mindful
People who love themselves tend to know what they think, feel and want.
They are aware of who they are, what their limits and desires are. And then act according to this knowledge and not according to what others want for them.
2. Act on What You Need, Not What You Want
People who love themselves can turn away from things that feel good and exciting.
Why should you turn away from something that feels good?
Let me explain it briefly.
Of course it sounds funny at first, if you read these words, because if something feels good, then it’s good, right? The answer to that is no, mostly it is not.
An extreme example: injecting heroin feels good. Should you do it because of that? Of course not , because the consequences are very, very negative for your future life.
Hard drugs are a blatant example, I know, but it’s about clarifying this point. You can find a thousand more examples …
Chips, ice cream & cakes taste great, but in the long term, your body will harm more than a plate of raw food.
Not going to sports feels good because you can stay on the couch, but over time you’re getting lazier and unfitter.
Canceling a date because you’d rather keep friends looking makes for some fun hours, but in the long run, you’ll sleep on your own …
You understand what I want out. Be aware of the consequences of situations in which you are only looking for a short-term lucky high.
Train your body and mind to act what you need and bring you something in the long run instead of acting impulsively.
By focusing on what you really need, you are turning away from automatic behaviors that put you in trouble over the long term and reduce self-love.
3. Take Good Care of Yourself
You will love yourself more if you take better care of your basic needs.
People with high self-esteem are optimizing themselves daily through healthy activities such as healthy eating, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and fulfilling social interactions.
4. Set Limits
You will love yourself more when you set limits. Being able to say no to work, love or other activities that physically, emotionally and spiritually exhaust you or even physically harm you is an important step towards more self-love.
5. Protect Yourself
Get rid of poisonous people in your life.
There are some kind of “friends” who enjoy your pain and loss rather than your happiness and success. At least one person in your head has probably just turned up that fits this description.
My suggestion to you: Get rid of them!
There is not enough time in your life to waste it on people who want to take your smile away, that says, “I really love myself and life really”.
Once you get rid of these emotional vampires, you will feel that you are feeling better, respecting and loving yourself more.
Do not worry, you do not have to tell anyone in the face, “You’re not good for me, I’m kicking you out of my life, hah!”
It is enough if you avoid these people and do not meet them anymore. Making excuses for meeting you is fine at this point.
6. Forgive Yourself
We humans can be so hard on ourselves.
The flip side of taking responsibility for our actions is that we are too punishable for mistakes in learning and growth.
You have to accept your humanity (the fact that you are not perfect) before you can truly love yourself.
Practice being less strict with yourself if you make a mistake.
Remember, once you’ve learned and grown out of your mistakes, there are no failures, just lessons to get better.
7. Live Consciously
You will accept and love yourself more, if you live purposefully and intentionally, whatever happens in your life.
If you consciously choose to lead a meaningful and healthy life, you will make choices that support that intention. You will feel good if you succeed with this goal.
You will love yourself more and be proud of yourself as you see how you achieve the milestones you set for yourself.
If you choose only one or two of the actions of self-love that you want to work on, you will notice how you accept and love yourself more.
Just imagine how much you’ll appreciate yourself when you practice these seven lessons of self-love.
It is true that one can only love a person as much as one loves oneself.
If you perform all the acts of self-love that I have shared with you here, you will allow and encourage others to express themselves in the same way.
The more self-love you have for yourself, the better prepared you are for a healthy relationship.
What’s more, you will begin to attract people and circumstances that will support your well-being.
And so a negative spiral of devils becomes a positive spiral of self-love!