We all want to live happily. What most people do not realize, however, is that we often get in our way more often than circumstances prevent us from living happily. Here are 15 things you should not do anymore if you want to live happily.
We can really make life difficult for ourselves and often we do that too. We worry too much, burden ourselves with worries, guilt and doubts, are unhappy, but do not change our minds and stay in our learned roles and patterns.
And then we complain that the world is so unfair and that we are so poor when in truth we have a large part in our own hands, whether we live happily or not.
What you can do differently in the future in order to be able to live happily and to feel better, I will tell you now.
Live happy? You should renounce these 15 things from now on
1. Wait for the perfect moment
“Actually, I want to work as a writer, but right now is not the right time.”
And because it’s not the right time, you’re in your old job that you can not stand. It is not possible to change things now. First, Venus and Mars must be in the perfect house, or otherwise arrive some cosmic sign that signals to you that it is okay to act.
Successful people who live happily differ from less successful people in that they have stopped waiting and started doing something .
2. Social expectations
“Actually, I want to quit my job, start as a musician, confess my feelings to my great love, have a child and finally feed me vegan, but that’s not possible.”
And why is not it?
Because your parents would be disappointed if you quit the job because your brother says that all musicians are poor, your buddy says you should be single and you should not tie and your boss think vegans are weaklings that can not perform ,
Well, stupid. Then you best bury your dreams again in the depths of your unconsciousness and continue to eat meat for the boss diligently. In this way, you can die with the satisfying feeling that you never did what you wanted, but at least you did not risk any discussion.
WAKE UP: It’s YOUR life. If your buddy wants to be single, then please do it, but why let your ideas guide you? Stop wanting to meet the expectations of others at any cost and decide for yourself how YOU want to live happily .
As you stop worrying about what others think, here’s what others think!
When I see most people getting ready for themselves, I want to shake them until they come to their senses. It was not a different story for me a few years ago.
“I idiot forgot again the laundry in the drum”. “How can I be so stupid?” “I hate myself for having feelings for my friend.” “He certainly does not look at you. What do you have to offer you stupid, ugly thing “.
By far we already have enough stress and conflicts in the outside world. We do not have to make our lives helltoo . But that’s exactly what we do. We punish ourselves, we criticize each other, we scold ourselves, we condemn each other, we reject each other and keep reminding ourselves how inadequate and worthless we are.
Guess what? If you want to live happily this is NOT the way to go. The opposite is the case.
Especially if it is bad in the outside, make sure that it works well inside. Especially if you are missing the outside friends, be yourself a friend. Especially if there is no support from others, support yourself.
Good is not good enough. We have to be the most beautiful, the brightest, the most successful and the most talented . We have to do everything 100% perfect. We expect the perfect parents, the perfect staff, the perfect lover and the perfect kids.
Behind this is our fear that we are not good enough as we are.
So we try to prove our value through best performances.
The problem with that: In truth, no one cares about whether the cake is home-baked, not bought, the report cost you three days instead of one, and your hair was styled for an hour instead of 20 minutes. Only you make yourself a head drum.
And the side effects: the constant feeling of being inadequate and failing (because perfectionism is a bottomless pit), constant pressure and stress , often doing tasks too late, because you can not deliver them in their inadequate condition and a lasting one bad mood.
You want to continue as before? Be my guest. But you are not a better person – just a unhealthier and unhappier one.
5. Worry About What Others Might Think
So often we let ourselves be curtailed in our happiness, because we think about what others might think.
“How does that happen?” “What does he think about me?” “How does that look if I do that?”
Attention: Other people think about you a lot less than you think.
Why? Because they are busy with their own lives and their own problems. So, the kiosk vendor does not look at you disparagingly, because he condemns you for getting another coke or disliking your haircut, but because he was having a fight with his wife.
And one more thing: if others actually have a problem with you, that’s YOUR problem. Not yours. Do yourself a favor and leave it with you.
6. Wait for the fear to go away
Everything that is new and everything we do not know scares us. This fear will always be there, because you can never know everything and know everything.
So learn to live with the fear.
Learn to act despite the fear.
That’s the only way you can move forward in your life. Fear is a sign that you are developing and chasing after your dreams. And it’s worth it to be afraid.
We have to do this … we have to …
Basically, we should completely delete this word, which we all too often use, from our vocabulary. Because it suggests us that we are unfree. As slaves we have to do certain tasks until we are finally freed by death.
For heaven’s sake. Who wants to live like this?
Nobody, do you think now, but “I have to”.
You do not have to do anything.
You always have the choice.
You do not have to take over your father’s business just because the four generations before you did that. You can decide differently too. Of course, this may not make your father happy, but it’s your choice as to what consequences you’re willing to accept.
8. To want to prove you
We’re always trying to prove something to somebody.
“Look, Dad, I can earn my own income.” “Look, boss, how much overtime I’m doing.” “Do you Instagram followers notice how exciting my life is?” “Look, how quickly I got a crunchy body again after the birth”.
We want others to see and admire and praise our successes. We yearn for the recognition of others , like a bee after the nectar of flowering. It’s the stuff that makes us high. At least that’s what we think he would be.
Because in truth, we seldom get the recognition we long for, in the least of cases we hear what we consume.
Daddy will not be satisfied until you’re a civil servant, no matter how much money you make. And your crisp body may have 1% more body fat than another. And then we feel inadequate again, which means that we want to prove ourselves once more.
An eternal vicious circle that you can only break if you stop trying to prove something to others because you have recognized your own value.
9. Your sacrificial attitude
“I had a difficult childhood”, “My parents do not love me”, “Everyone just uses me”.
That can be everything and yes, that’s shit.
And yes, it certainly shaped you.
And yes, you will be allowed to work a bit more to get everything back and let go of the past.
But what do you want? For the rest of your life, have an excuse that your life is shitty, or leave all the crap behind and live happily?
The latter requires that you end with your past , that you cease to pity yourself and begin to take control of your future.
10. Wait until you can do it
What we can not do scares us. That’s why we’d like to do things only when we can.
The problem is that we learn most things first by doing them.
It’s like swimming: so many people stand at the edge of the pool and say, “I’ll hop in when I can swim”. Which means you will never swim.
Because we learn to swim by jumping into the damn basin, although we still can not and are afraid. So you can spend 3 years looking at the other swimmers on the edge of the pool and theoretically taking it apart, or you can jump in and learn how to swim within 15 minutes.
In my coaching sessions, I always experience people who say, “I do not do anything until I know what I want.” And then they do not get on year and year out and get more and more dissatisfied and think there is no solution for you.
But it exists and it means simply DO. Only when we become active can we learn something new, discover something new, find out what we like and what we do not, and finally live happily ever after.
11. Compare with others
As a business consultant, Susi earns five digits a month while you’re still struggling with your starting salary? And Jens has just bought a fancy new car while you still drive to work with the old Fiat?
Of course you feel bad.
You question all your life decisions that have led you to this stupid Fiat and are annoyed why you can not make your life better off.
How do you want to live happily when you are constantly focusing on what others have or how others live? There will always be someone who is taller, prettier, slimmer, more successful, better known, or richer, so you.
But, you know what?
What Susi and Jens do has no significance at all for your life . It is her life. If you want the same thing they have, you have to do the same thing they bring. If you are not ready to do that, leave it and be satisfied with what you have.
Look at your strengths and what you have already achieved. That’s all that counts.
“Oh, what’s the world so bad”, “what’s the problem with me” and “what are the others mean to me again …”.
There is really only one answer: LOVE IT, CHANGE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Meaning, so if you’re dissatisfied with your job, quit. If you suffer from your partnership, change or leave it, feel uncomfortable in your body, start doing sports and eat healthier, if politics bother you, do it yourself if you can no longer endure mass animal husbandry “Get involved, if you complain that there is no remedy for cancer, study medicine and look for such a remedy yourself.
Instead of complaining that the world is so bad, do something to change it . And if the step is still so small.
Do not leave the salvation of the world to other people. Be the change that you want for this world.
13. Hoard Useless Items
There are things in your own home that we really enjoy. The beautiful souvenir photo or maybe the great blender with which you can always make delicious banana milkshakes now. And then there are about 205,820 other things that just hang around like that.
Things we do not use and we do not need. Things that do not fit and things we do not like.
They all shut up our apartments, get dusty, have to be serviced and annoy a lot more than they look forward to.
Away with all the stuff.
Those who want to live happily do not need as many items as possible, they need the right items (or none).
Convince yourself of what it is for a wonderfully liberating feeling clean out and carry bags of stuff way out of the apartment. You will be rewarded with more space, more air and more freedom. The beautiful things in your apartment will finally come into their own and you’ll rediscover old treasures.
The best things in life are not things, so free yourself.
14. Feel guilty
We all make mistakes. We can not always foresee all the consequences and sometimes get carried away. We do things that we later regret.
And then we feel guilty.
We think we are bad people.
Only because we have done something bad, but we are still not bad people. Our psychology is quite complex and we are not machines. Meaning, there are many motivations from which we do something. That we have a corrupt character is never the reason.
And of course we want it not to happen again. But we do not have to feel eternally guilty and bad for that. It’s enough if we look at our mistake, think about what has led to it and how we can do it differently in the future.
How to overcome feelings of guilt, you will learn here: overcome guilt feelings.
15. Focus on the negative
The news shows us: A terrorist attack here, the refugee crisis there, the murder in the neighborhood, the hunger in the world …
It quickly gives the impression that the world is a cruel and unjust place.
And we do not even have to look into the distant world. Now, the aunt has even gotten diabetes, the neighbor of the parents has lost his job, the girlfriend wants to end and outside it has been raining for days only.
In short: everything is crap.
And yes, all these things exist and they are bad.
But they are not the whole picture. They only make one (small) part and the other part, the positive pole, we completely ignore.
Do you know that world peace researchers have discovered that we have so much peace in the world today as never before in human history? So our world is getting more and more peaceful. But of course you do not hear about that in the news. Because the news focuses on the negative.
And so do you, if you believe that there is nothing good in your life.
The fact is: there are always positives and negatives in the world and around you. It’s your decision what you pay attention to and what you want to emphasize more.
You want to live happily? Then start paying attention to what is going well, what you can be grateful for and what is beautiful, sign up to my newsletter and I guarantee you that your world will become more colorful and your life happier.